LifeOnSteam

Time to battle the world with the few people I have left. Brandon Hollis, Jamie Kendall, Amanda Griffiths, Jo Hollis, these people have been the ones who have made everything that has happend in the last 5 weeks possible. I am happily engaged to the most amazing man known. Now these are family.
There is a saying that friends, boyfriends all end but family stay! WELL IT IS FUCKING BOLLOCKS! THEY DONT STAY YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR OWN FAMILY OUT THERE IF YOU WANT TO LAST IN THIS WORLD!.

The days have turned into week, the weeks have turned into months. I don’t see why I should be made to feel guilty about the decisions I have made over the last few weeks! I made the best choice in my life moving out. Because at last I can be the person I am! I am munchkin! And always will be! No one will ever change me! They say that times heals you! I don’t see how anyone who is sane in mind can say that! Time does not heal any pain that any person is subjected to mentally!

It’s been a ruff few weeks with everything that has happened but I owe my life to Jamie Kendall, Brandon Hollis, Amanda Griffiths! That have seen me at my worst and pulled me back from the brink of a full on break down! With out these people i would no longer be here they are my world and rock! X

Well things are getting better as time goes on, I have truly found the love of my life, his name is Brandon mark Hollis! He is everything I could ever want or need. He has had to deal with me when i have taken a turn for the worse, and we have come out the other side. He knows about my past and he has except that there are something that will always hunt me thought out my life. But he said and I know he will always be stood next to me though thick and thin. My best mate fluffy, will soon have to put on a suit as me and Brandon our planing join getting married, fluffy will I hope be my maid of honour as I will need him to help with the planning, I can finally say that I’m happy with life, thanks to all who are still stood by my side x

I’m so proud of my self today! I faced someone who killed me inside! Yes I will have a bad few days reliving what happened in my past! But I beat him! He doesn’t rule my life anymore! I can hold my head high and say I’m not scared of you anymore! You have ruled my life for so long! No longer will I let you do this again! I rule my life not you! I’m getting back to the old me at last! To the one my friends lost a while ago! I’m back! And no one will rule my life but me!

Things are getting worse I don’t know how much longer I can keep going things are getting to deep for me to handle on my own! But I don’t want to tell anyone how I feel! I’m on my own in all of this I just need time to get my head around things! My mum makes things worse by saying she is happy when I know she isn’t I don’t know why she is still here things would be better if she just left! Went with out saying good bye then at least I could hate her! Why why does she do this! Knowing what she is doing and not being able to confront her is killing me! But I don’t know how to tell her! Peter conybear if I ever find you and meet you I will kill your for destroying my family! Things are over for me and my mum I will never trust her again!

Getting sick of feeling like this now! Why people say that they will help but they fucking don’t! As soon as you show signs of getting a little better they disappear! Don’t care anymore I don’t have anyone to battle the world with! Back to the old days here I come! Just me v the world! Round 25 here I come!

Fuck anyone who walked out of my life when things became hard! This is for all of you who said I changed! Wow people change every day of there lives! I changed because I couldn’t keep going the way I was! And if you didn’t like it I can truthfully say that you are no longer a part of my life! I don’t need people who just bring me down all the time! This is my life I will live it how I want to!

Sitting in a place that used to hold so many happy memories, thinking about the people who made those memories happy!! And realising that those people arnt a part of your life for a curtain reason! Just wants to make you cry! But you have to be strong for the people who are in your life now!

I though that when your a child thins are meant to be easy! Can someone please take my life because feeling like this everyday is not easy!! How much longer do I have to suffer :’(

Things are getting better! I have the people who mean the most to me close by my side and that’s where I plan to keep them, I’m not letting go of anything anytime soon!! Life is looking good now! Xx

The last few week have been hard. As some people from my past have re appeared and made me retreat into the person I have toyed so hard not to be. Going back to my old ways of living again. Why is it he has this affect on me! He is nothing to me! He should be dead after what he did to me but no he still makes me feel like the venerable little girl I was when this whole thing started! Why!? Why do I do this to myself! Can someone give me some answer because I’m not sure how much longer I can keep hiding behind this fake smile anymore!

When you are forced to take a step back and take a good long look at what your putting not only yourself but also your friends though, it makes you wonder how you still have friends! After falling out with my best mate this week over something so small and stupid! He told me some home truths about how I have been acting latley! I’m glad that he did because it made me take a big long look at what I was doing to the ones I love the most! I have realised that I have been doning many things to!

When you realise that you always had people who would be there though thick and thin! Taken me till now to work that out

Well things are good!

When you find things about about your family and feeling like a little kid, worrying about everything but not knowing how to tell your parents! This might just be the death of me! # slowly dying inside