When you finally get to sit down and see that the world still goes on even if you not there helping it. It means that you don’t have to burn yourself out all the time. Things will still run if you just take a step back for a little while. Sitting up high watching the world go by is amazing because you get to see that there are also people out there who are suffering as well. Maybe someone one day will help to take away there pain and anger. Just maybe. Life is full of riddles and you need to look at them with a true heart to work them out. Because them maybe you can see how someone is crying out for help. I plan too look at the deeper meaning in people’s words and then maybe people who realise someone out there can see you true pain and help you get though it.
Well I have finally found a place that I can call my own and home. Im sick of moving all the time. I like being in one place and knowing that im safe. I dont care what anyone says about the area or anything like that because they can stick it. I like it. Life is at last I hope going the right way for a change. Time to start back at college soon. Defo keeping my head down this year because if I want to carry on being independent then I need my grades and the only way im going to do that is study untill I have nothing else left to give xx
Well seeing as people are writing about me all over social media websites. I thought I should make a gest appearance on here. well life is great. getting on well with my family as best as expected. I’m looking at a new flat to rent with gandelf. might be putting a deposit down today. Soooooo excited. :D
works the same old shit day-In-day-out. meh to it it pays the bills. jokes. I love m job its one of the many things in my life that is a constant. Brandon has finally had the all clear from the hospital. so he can carry on living his life with out worrying about his liver packing in thank god.
some people don’t seem to understand how busy I am. with trying to keep fit. finding time to do college work ready for when I go back and also flat hunting. and living my life to its full potential.
Time to start a new chapter in my life. Its gonna be weird to adjust to but the help of my loving adopted family I know I will always see the light at the end of the tunnel. Without these people I dont know where the rollacoster of my life would be taking right now. I dont need to say who they are as they already know. You really learn who cares about you the most when you need help from people you thought you could always rely on but I surpose that isnt always true and you soon relise who will be there when the going gets tuff. Well thank you to thoes people who have helped me through the last 3 month. I love you alll to peices and you are the only true family I have xx
Time to battle the world with the few people I have left. Brandon Hollis, Jamie Kendall, Amanda Griffiths, Jo Hollis, these people have been the ones who have made everything that has happend in the last 5 weeks possible. I am happily engaged to the most amazing man known. Now these are family.
There is a saying that friends, boyfriends all end but family stay! WELL IT IS FUCKING BOLLOCKS! THEY DONT STAY YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR OWN FAMILY OUT THERE IF YOU WANT TO LAST IN THIS WORLD!.
The days have turned into week, the weeks have turned into months. I don’t see why I should be made to feel guilty about the decisions I have made over the last few weeks! I made the best choice in my life moving out. Because at last I can be the person I am! I am munchkin! And always will be! No one will ever change me! They say that times heals you! I don’t see how anyone who is sane in mind can say that! Time does not heal any pain that any person is subjected to mentally!
It’s been a ruff few weeks with everything that has happened but I owe my life to Jamie Kendall, Brandon Hollis, Amanda Griffiths! That have seen me at my worst and pulled me back from the brink of a full on break down! With out these people i would no longer be here they are my world and rock! X
Well things are getting better as time goes on, I have truly found the love of my life, his name is Brandon mark Hollis! He is everything I could ever want or need. He has had to deal with me when i have taken a turn for the worse, and we have come out the other side. He knows about my past and he has except that there are something that will always hunt me thought out my life. But he said and I know he will always be stood next to me though thick and thin. My best mate fluffy, will soon have to put on a suit as me and Brandon our planing join getting married, fluffy will I hope be my maid of honour as I will need him to help with the planning, I can finally say that I’m happy with life, thanks to all who are still stood by my side x
I’m so proud of my self today! I faced someone who killed me inside! Yes I will have a bad few days reliving what happened in my past! But I beat him! He doesn’t rule my life anymore! I can hold my head high and say I’m not scared of you anymore! You have ruled my life for so long! No longer will I let you do this again! I rule my life not you! I’m getting back to the old me at last! To the one my friends lost a while ago! I’m back! And no one will rule my life but me!
Things are getting worse I don’t know how much longer I can keep going things are getting to deep for me to handle on my own! But I don’t want to tell anyone how I feel! I’m on my own in all of this I just need time to get my head around things! My mum makes things worse by saying she is happy when I know she isn’t I don’t know why she is still here things would be better if she just left! Went with out saying good bye then at least I could hate her! Why why does she do this! Knowing what she is doing and not being able to confront her is killing me! But I don’t know how to tell her! Peter conybear if I ever find you and meet you I will kill your for destroying my family! Things are over for me and my mum I will never trust her again!
Getting sick of feeling like this now! Why people say that they will help but they fucking don’t! As soon as you show signs of getting a little better they disappear! Don’t care anymore I don’t have anyone to battle the world with! Back to the old days here I come! Just me v the world! Round 25 here I come!
Fuck anyone who walked out of my life when things became hard! This is for all of you who said I changed! Wow people change every day of there lives! I changed because I couldn’t keep going the way I was! And if you didn’t like it I can truthfully say that you are no longer a part of my life! I don’t need people who just bring me down all the time! This is my life I will live it how I want to!
Sitting in a place that used to hold so many happy memories, thinking about the people who made those memories happy!! And realising that those people arnt a part of your life for a curtain reason! Just wants to make you cry! But you have to be strong for the people who are in your life now!
The last few week have been hard. As some people from my past have re appeared and made me retreat into the person I have toyed so hard not to be. Going back to my old ways of living again. Why is it he has this affect on me! He is nothing to me! He should be dead after what he did to me but no he still makes me feel like the venerable little girl I was when this whole thing started! Why!? Why do I do this to myself! Can someone give me some answer because I’m not sure how much longer I can keep hiding behind this fake smile anymore!
When you are forced to take a step back and take a good long look at what your putting not only yourself but also your friends though, it makes you wonder how you still have friends! After falling out with my best mate this week over something so small and stupid! He told me some home truths about how I have been acting latley! I’m glad that he did because it made me take a big long look at what I was doing to the ones I love the most! I have realised that I have been doning many things to!
When you find things about about your family and feeling like a little kid, worrying about everything but not knowing how to tell your parents! This might just be the death of me! # slowly dying inside
Talking to people from the past makes life so much harder when you try and move on because there all that you think about, even know you know deep down it never going to work, its nice to hold onto something that is just a fantasy than face the normal!
Things have hit a all time low again, i thought i had found someone who understood me and was a good lad but it just turns out no matter how much you think you know someone they are always unpredictable. Well i don’t know if i can just brush myself off and just carry on this time. He will be the first and last things i think about everyday for a long while yet, well time to out a brave face on for my family and friends
Well i would just like to say that things are finally starting to look up for me. There is a new fella on the scene, he is a lad i have known for a few years now, so we both already know so much about each other. The big black cloud has been lifted from above ne now, and its time to move on with my life xx
When i look back at the lads i have dated each one has made me stronger for the next, i realised the other day that life can be what ever you make of it, so you only have your self to blame if things go wrong nobody else, your in control! You decide your furture!
Well life is looking up, i got my c, people are starting to treat with the respect that i deserve, and i have moved on, kyle is out my life for good now, and there is a new man in my life, i have decided that talking to my ex’s as best mates are not the best ideas because they never really get over you so it makes it harder to move on with your life, so from now on, ex’s are for a reason, it dont mean i have to stay friends with them or anything. Time for a big bloody change.
Sitting on a bus where its all quiet, and your just alone with your music and your thoughts it amazing, because it gives you time to think about everything that is going on in life, whether it is good or bad, it doesn’t matter. Its time to reflect.
This past week has been the hardest ever for me I belive, because I’m trying to get used to being on my own again, where I don’t have that person to curl up with and wish the day away, because I don’t, and I will agree, after everything that happened with me and kyle, I do still miss him, but there is no turning back now, its time to face the world on my own, I know its not going to be easy, but its something that I have got to do to be happy
well christmas was finialy goood in my house, but then he went a ruined it, yes i mean kyle cotton, as he and i have ended now, we are no longer together, as he stared a huge row because i was talking to a old friend of mine, he blocked me a room, and was very close to punching me in the face, yeah that is the true kyle cotton, and i want the world to know!
Well things have been looking up really well for me this past few weeks, I have some amazing friends and extended family to keep me going through what ever I am faced with, I have a wonderful fiancee who I dont know where I would be with out him, my life is looking up, and I’m so glad, it’s just a shame that a few people close to me are having some very bad karma lately , but they will be replyied very soon I think, j just hope this last few weeks we have left of this year stay good for all
Well after seeing how a true company works I can now see why are country is in so much debt, and not to mention how much money we are lending to other confers to bail them out the shit, how about they bail us out for a change, life us funny when you see it from a adults world , its bloody amazing, rant over!
" life goes on" that is the mist amazing saying because it is so true in all parts of day-to-day life, and I live by this saying because you only have one life so live it I think. Rant over, my life is going great I have some amazing friends around me to support me thought tough time, and a amazing fiace who I could not live with out because well there is no other way to describe him than amazing x
When you get the feeling that everyone around you don’t see you, as though your a shadow in the room. Make me feel horrible, but then again I have got used to this factor of life, because its how I live my life in my house these days, because its all about my brother, and I’m just like a logger in the house, nobody would care if I just disappeared :’(
As the days go on, sertian people make you think about the way you have grow up so much compared to them, and I think this shows that I’m ready for what ever the big wild world has to offer me, and I’m probly more prepared than many of the people that are my so called friends, hmmm, I wonder what they will look like in 5 years time
When you sitting with people who are ment to be you mates, running you life desions down, it makes you wonder, are they going to be there for me in 2 years time! I don’t belive they will and that hurts, but life goes on!
Well life is defo looking up for me, and someone said to me, It my turn to have some good karma. And I have got that, as my amazing boyfriend kyle trey williams has asked me to become his wife! Not yet, sometime in the future, I was so happy last night I couldn’t sleep, its just how to tell my mum! Hmmmm, oh well I will leave that for now, and start thing about becoming mrs jessica cotton!xxx
Well the past few weeks have been hell tbh, I lost feeling in my left arm for a full week! I have it back now, but its not normal as I call normal, doctors have no clue atm why this happened. I have now been told I have to re sit my english exam what is crap! Because I already have enuff stress on my plate. But at least me and kyle are still going! And I love him to bits xxxx